entry 25 { mom-isms }

We have a great view of the mountains from our backyard. Right now they are literally covered with spots of red, yellow and orange. The leaves turning on the mountains has always been my confirmation that summer is really over and fall is fast approaching. Denial!

Yesterday mom and I were taking in the view and I was taking pics as well.

Mom asked me: What are all those different colored spots on those hills?

I answered: The leaves are changing color. Then I added: I smell smoke (in the distance), there must be a fire somewhere.

With that she asked, concerned: What, you mean those spots on the mountains are on fire?

MOM-isms! What's a caregiver to do?

entry 24

So the last few days have been interesting. My mom has been very confused. She wakes up early in the morning and mostly before sunrise. Apparently her waking up when still dark freaks her out. She told Katie and me that John told her about a phenomenon that happens. We were so confused! As she tried to explain this strange occurrence it dawned on me that she was talking about waking up when it's still dark outside, morning.

I said mom: Are you talking about waking up early before it's light?

she said: yes.

I said: that's called MORNING and we all laughed. (sad)

Yesterday Natalie, Jeremy and Jaxon came for a visit. Mom told Natalie the same strange tale. This time however, she added how scary it is for her. I made a joke and told her to stop waking up so early. We laughed but I don't think she know where she is and between the darkness, John leaving for work and her failing memory this "phenomenon" is very disturbing for her.

entry 23

jackie, mom ,dad

Today, so far (8:30 AM) is the opposite of mom's good mood yesterday. She just figured out that my dad has gone back to VA and she feels duped. She's still with it enough to know that she should be with her husband (although she says she doesn't want to live with him) and wants to live in her home in VA. She didn't bring this subject up at all when he was here. The problem is that she can't really care for herself. She is crying and upset. When she gets this way you can't reason with her. Her biggest fear is that the stuff in her room , at home, (mainly her WATCHES) will be stolen. If you ask her why she wants to go back to VA it's because she has her big TVS and her watches. She doesn't know how much she forgets. She says it' s not fair to me and John for her to be put upon us. I told her that years ago when she asked me "who will care for me when I get old", I promised her I would.

Mom is so sensitive to this because her mother was put in a nursing home in Canada with dementia. It gets increasing difficult to see her be so sad and depressed.

entry 22

Today my mom is really confused. She woke up early and it was still dark outside. She didn't know where she was, what she was doing there and what day and time it was. The "DARK" really scares her - makes her anxious and nervous. I was trying to explain how everyone was related to her. I could tell it wasn't registering. So I had to draw out for her on paper how we were all related. She doesn't remember Jon and Quinn being here this past weekend.

Mom couldn't understand how dad knew the "the people" (grand kids, great grand kids) that came to visit him. She would say "I wondered how he knew those kids". She hasn't said anything about dad leaving except for "when is your dad leaving ". That I have answered over and over! I'm surprised how up beat she has been the past few days.

entry 21

I have to say my last post sounded frantic. Thankfully things are a calmer today. The pow wow is over and mom is staying here with us. I need to post more often to have a record of the progression of my mother's disease.

This week mom has been really confused. There is the usual - asking the same questions over but she is mixing the past and the present. Mom is progressing into another stage of the disease. Mom has a terrible time verbalizing what she wants to say. She paces around the house off and on during the day. She opens and closes the garage door over and over checking to see if my car is there.

Recent things she has said:

Who are we picking up at the airport? "Dad, your husband". Blank stare...What is his name?

I need to get cash from your dad so I can pay payroll.
(She is talking about paying Alicia to do her hair)

What is Ken's first name? "Ken, mom".

Where does your dad live, in Phoenix or Utah? "VA, mom". Now where is he going?

What does he do for his profession? "Oral surgeon". Oh that's right I do the books.

I need to get my important stuff out of the house before your dad sells it.
"What stuff do you need to get"? My watches, I need my watches!

At this point in time it is worse to tell her anything in advance because she can't remember what I just told her and she obsesses about what she's forgotten anyway.

She rarely knows what day or time it is even though she has a calendar and clock in her room that displays all the info. (Mostly she thinks Sunday is the next day).

I typed up a very simple schedule for her right before my dad arrived and placed it in several areas around the house. That confused her even more.

It has come down to rationing her "Boost and Ensure". That's all she wants to eat/drink. 4 to 5 is plenty in a day!

Dad and I bought her a "muscle" protein drink at the gas station. "I won't like this-yuk!" "trust me you'll like it" - Forced her to drink it, "oh this is really good"! "HMMMM, mom"!

I am trying to repeat positive affirmations to myself to keep calm and patient. Keep up the good work cher :) .

entry 20 (OMH)

You know that old saying that if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all?

Well, can I scream instead????

My dad and brothers are coming to Utah for a big pow wow this weekend. I bet my mom's asked me at least 2-4 times (per hour) if she's getting her hair done tomorrow, who it is we are picking up from the airport, is the time 12:30AM or 1AM and what are we doing again? What day is it today ? What day is it tonmorrow? Is it 1991? REPEAT... She has written down all this info but still can't seem to understaind-I know because she made me sit there with her shile she wrote it down. If I sound like a MAD (crazy) caregiver, today I am . If it's this hard for me I can only how hard it is for her. She's got to know that part of her is slipping away. I have to keep repeating positive affirmation and reminding myself that it's the disease and not her.

Oh... She sat on her night stand this morning thinking it was a stool and it shattered underneath her. I was doing some touch up painting and suggested she stay in a different area. As soon as I left she walked into the pan of paint. I need to say this...oh my hell!

Remember all of you out there in normal land...that it's karma. Whatever hell you put your mother through as a kid, it comes back to bite you a 1000 times worse!