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entry 41

This last week has been a difficult one.

Mom seems to have accepted that she has Alzheimer's.  

The realization  makes her very sad and she cries.

On another note...

We were driving around - I'm stopping and taking pictures of turquoise "things"

 {she likes doing this - "It's fun"}

And she says she feels a great sense of relief.

I ask what about, but she can't really verbalize her thoughts.

I press and she finally says that she's praying for relief from this affliction.

I suggest we get her exercising her mind and her body along with nutrition... 

and then she says the funniest thing...

WELL, I'm not going to do this all by myself!  

I laughed and say...WELL  if you don't exercise your mind no one 's going to do it for you, mother.

We laughed, together!

entry 40

Same Day, different post!

Things only went down hill from that appointment on!

First I stopped at Great Harvest and got us some comfort food...

next...

We went to the Alzheimer's Association for the support group.

Today mom will go into the cognitive learning group. 

She and I are only separated by a single wall.  

But she freaked out.

They came and got me.

Mom, her face flushed and in a frenzy insisted I take her out of there!

She was crying and having a tantrum.

I didn't know where you were.

I thought you left me here.

I felt stupid, there were so many men,  I couldn't do what they were doing.

These words don't flow easily from her mouth.  

She cries and cries the rest of the day and night.

Please don't tell Jackie about this.

What, the Alzheimer's meeting?

NO, that I have Alzheimer's.

Coming to grips with mortality! 

That night I have a horrible dream. 

 I dream that I am in a house with John and I can see the waves of the ocean swell - a tsunami. 

The water is is rising and flooding the house We are being lifted up to the ceiling.

  I am able to see out a whole in the roof.

I can see the water is starting to recede.

I awoke in pure panic.

entry 39

Meeting with the Dr to review tests.

No new revelations, merely establishing a baseline.

Dr. is relating the test results to both of us but  mom keeps

 randomly bringing up the huge snow storm in the East!

The Dr asks her where she lives...

without thought, Virginia!

It was like mom didn't hear a word the Dr. was saying.

 I ask the Dr what's up with this?

It's the disease.

Were were given much information about how to proceed.

We are told
Now is the time  to acclimate mom to any major life changes, 

while she can still remember. 

The resting reveals she remembers and responds  best to visual simulation
and I am given different suggestions on how to help keep mom stimulated.

The brain stays "plastic" until death.

She can still build new brain cells and somewhat maintain what she has now with specific exercises.

But...there is no cure for Alzheimer's. 

Boy, is this going to be a CHALLENGE!

entry 38

Meeting with the therapist...

Mom again doesn't know where or why we are going to this appointment.

It takes an hour to fill out the paperwork and ask mom questions that the Dr. will later review.

I hate this stuff!!!

I don't want to answer these questions.

There is nothing wrong with me.

I refuse to answer that question!

We meet with the Dr. and she is calm, kind and reassuring to mom.

Mom likes her.

Then the real cognitive testing begins.

4 1/2 hour later we leave.

Two hours are cut short.

Mom can't complete those tests.

We won't know the results of the testing until the 10th of February.

entry 37

Playing catch up!

I think I dread posting on this blog.  Most of the time it's kind of depressing...but here goes.

Today we {mom and me}went to the Alzheimer's Association. 

It was NOT happiness on mom's face when we drove up!!!

She freaked.

Why are we here?

Are you leaving me?

I'm not crazy!!!

Maybe it's not fair to mom because I rarely tell her where we are going.

She obsesses and worries and agitates.

if it's a trip...she will pack and unpack.

We met with the Alzheimer's therapist then went to a support group.

Usually the caregiver goes into the support group while the afflicted person goes into a cognitive learning session.

Mom sat with me this time and enjoyed it very much.

She, however, was unaware that she had the disease and was sympathizing with the others relating their weekly stories.

I'm so glad I don't have that disease, she said when leaving. 

Yes mom,  but I fear we may all be predisposed to getting it.

"Grandma died from it."

Really, I don't remember how my mother died or anything about her funeral.

Case in point.

entry 36

Asking what to do with the pantyhose

Obviously she's spending too much time with the dogs :)

Pantyhose seem to really confuse my mom. Today she came to me and asked what she was to do with them {the pantyhose}. Reality is that she can't even get the question out to ask me the question. If this seems all jumbled up, it is! So she said that Quinn was the one that turned her on to wearing pantyhose. LOL. She continued with I never wore them before he "turned me on to them". I lifted up her sweater and pulled the band on the pantyhose she was wearing underneath her pants. MOM...you have worn them for years!!! You wear them everyday!!! In fact you often times wear 2 pair. You even wear them to bed. OMdisease.

entry 35

Today mom is totally confused:

* She hasn't gotten dressed for church this week yet, but keeps asking if I have heard from Jackie and when is she picking her up.

*She wants to know what Jackie has to do with the Orchestra at Temple Square. (she's played the violin for 8 years with them)

* Where is your father, is he getting remarried to someone else and moving them into the house? I don't care but I want my watches!

*How am I getting home? {you are home mom and she hasn't asked this for a long time}. Well, who will take care of me. You are older than me so what will I do?

entry 34

All her bags are packed and ready to go...
She's standing here inside my door-hahaha.

entry 33

It's been a long time since I've posted on this blog but...that doesn't mean that a lot hasn't happened. I could never begin to go back and retrace the past 2 months so I will start from here. I posted this picture because my mom is becoming a bag lady. She got all this stuff ready just to go to church. She is getting worse. I get annoyed with her behavior but know that it's not her fault. It is sad to watch your mother deteriorate in front of your eyes. Today she looked for her watch for about 6 hours. Then she changed her clothes at least 5 times. I don't know why but she thinks that everyday is Sunday so so puts on her church clothes.

Mom says so many odd things. She loves Skor bars but Costco didn't have any, just Heath bars {I like them better}. I'm not sure how many were in the box but she managed to eat all the candy within a couple days. We were getting ready to go to the bank and she asked me if I wanted some of her "HEALTH" BAR. I laughed and said "mom those aren't HEALTH bars they are Heath candy bars". What's a daughter to do :)